You are not logged in. Access is limited. Login or see membership information. • Conscious Leadership

Clare Mann
Group Co-Administrator

"ClareMann"

Social & Cultural Myths that influence our choices

May 2008 Posts »

» You're not a local, are you?
Fri 30th @ 4:37 PM

Archives »

Myths and Assumptions (ClareMann)

Blog Entry

You're not a local, are you?

Friday, May 30th @ 4:37 PMpost viewed 112 times

Recently I shared a story of when I first moved to NZ and being asked by a local 'You're not from around here, are you?' I said I was and he laughed saying 'Oh no, I have been here for 46 years and am still not a local!' He went on to say 'What does your husband do?'

I smiled at his assumptions which I believe could be: that being local required time or place of birth; I was heterosexual; a woman of a certain age and thus married; if so, my husband would be the breadwinner.

In sharing the story, I recalled battling with a desire to be provocative and challenge his paradigm; wondered if it would be unreasonable to be unkind when perhaps he was just being polite. I responded politely but wonder now if I was happy with my reply. Was the reason I didn't challenge his assumptions an act of kindness or assuming responsibility for him in my belief that he couldn't hear my message? Was I being authentic by colluding with his assumptions or patronising as I fixed him as someone with a fixed perspective? Or am I completely wrong in my assumptions and he had information about me that made his questioning perfectly reasonable?

I have retold this story repeatedly for it symbolises the depth and complexity of myths. Another perspective coming from a philsophical/spiritual perspective might be possible. Was this man prepared to bear the shame, ridicule and mileage this story has afforded to open up the dialogue for all who read this story or hear it, to question where we fix reality and avoid 'seeing what is really there'?

What do you think?

Comments

Brendan said on Friday, June 13th @ 1:53 PM:

This whole notion of "a local" is so insidious. At a meet-up meeting last night we had a diverse group of people from different "countries". At one point, a member got very vocal and heated about defending "his country", in this instance being defined by "place of birth".

Quite interesting to watch this play out in a group and see reactions. I am always amused by the whole notion of countries, my country, your country etc, usually being defined merely by where we choose to be born.

What it highlighted for me was that in us choosing one thing over another, others tend to see the choice we did not choose, as something we do not desire. For example, when we move jobs, our choice for a new job, implies that there is something we do not desire with the existing job. When we move countries, are we implying there is something better with the new country we are moving to and thus something we do not deisre in the current one?

So the question in all of this for me is - Can we ever choose in isolation and do our choices always have an impact, even if we are not willing to be aware of the impact?

ClareMann said on Friday, June 13th @ 2:36 PM:

Good point Brendan - this highlights some of the ideas that arose in the seminar I ran with Caitriona Reed this week on 'How do my actions impact on the planet?' We both believed that our actions ALWAYS impact on the planet - that includes our non-action also as well as thoughts, attitudes and beliefs. I will edit that teleseminar and put it on the site shortly!