Myths and Assumptions

Myths and Assumptions http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/members/consciousleaders/blog/VIEW+00000002 Social & Cultural Myths that influence our choices en Copyright 2008, Conscious Leadership Mon, 10 Nov 2008 06:37:32 GMT Mon, 10 Nov 2008 06:37:32 GMT What's a well lived life? http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/members/consciousleaders/blog/VIEW+00000002+00000092#00000092 That pesky thing we call 'purpose' again: I was today sent this poem and am reminded of how small we can make ourselves when we cling too tightly to an identity - sometimes masquerading as purpose!  <pre>"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."</pre>   Mon, 10 Nov 2008 07:37:31 GMT What is 'The World?' http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/members/consciousleaders/blog/VIEW+00000002+00000089#00000089 <img src="http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/l1/consciousleaders/appdata/blog/00000089.jpg" border=0 vspace=5 hspace=5 align=left> Another lesson from my father..... My father was distressed on the phone today when he recalled 'the state of the world'.  He recalled scenes on British TV of starving children in Africa, abuse and the credit crunch.  He also talked about visiting a friend of his who had just returned from a psychiatric unit visiting a family member.  Why does he ask my opinion when he knows I will no doubt provide a non-typical answer? I said to him that 'the world' 'out there' didn't actually exist - all he was seeing was it portrayed through the eyes of the media, journalists and repeated portrayals of dread.  I also suggested that  perhaps the individuals he was showing compassion towards in the psychiatric institution, instead should be congratulated!  He was alarmed at this and still struggled when I suggested that maybe they were an invitation for us to reflect on the type of society we create which no doubt drives people crazy.  What is more crazy?  A person who withdraws from this reality possibly because of its conditions, judgements and intolerance OR others who bend themselves into shapes and live what we might call, inauthentic lives? At first he thought I was being incompassionate until I told him that much of my training was in a psychiatric hospital - after that experience I questioned what was abnormal - inside the unit or outside in society. I debated with my father that the world wasn't bad per se and that the solution is not for 'it' to change but 'us' to change for what we believe to be world is a reflection of what we are  Thus we can change the world simply by changing 'our' world - I don't mean this simplistically - but no-one is going to save us - we have to be the change leaders by examples of how we live. I haven't owned a  TV for 4 years - I don't watch the news - I don't want someone out there to tell me what to watch - I do seek out such information on the net and I feel my life is lighter for us - it's not about lack of compassion or burying my head in the sand, for me it's all about 'creating a world now that I want to be in with others - and that doesn't a sense of powerlessness and fear that there is nothing we can do to change the world 'out there'.  I blame my father entirely of course for bringing me up to ask questions!   Sat, 01 Nov 2008 08:41:57 GMT Jealous? What me? http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/members/consciousleaders/blog/VIEW+00000002+00000070#00000070 This week I was challenged to think about ways in which I deny who I can be. I am still in London at the moment and received an email from a friend who was originally from London but living in the US saying 'I am really jealous of you being there at the moment - I miss England!' I was surprised at her using the word 'jealous' as her work and outlook on life is 'we become what we think' and that negative (as well as positive thoughts) influence what we create.  An interesting discussion followed - yes, she did indeed believe that our thoughts create our experiences - and she referred me to Earl Nightingale's recording 'The Incredible Secret' where he says that all wise men (and women?), philosophers etc agree on one thing - and one thing only - 'we become what we think about'. So why did I feel so negatively about the use of the word 'jealous'.  I have felt jealous in the past in my 20s. I easily talk about anger, deception, deceit and death - but why not jealousy?  Am I, like she suggested, denying the possibility that I can be jealous?  Is there any difference between being aware (and experiencing) anger, fear, irritation of others, my propensity to judge or criticise others - and 'jealousy'? Why don't I put the ones I feel able to say I feel and experience in the same category with one I am resisting i.e. 'jealousy'? Is this debate in the same basket as 'what is my purpose'?  Is it liberating to have a purpose or does it enslave? Am I hoodwinking myself into a story 'It is negative to use such emotive words as jealousy as we 'create what we think about' ' and that this is an excuse Clare for denying a capacity in myself?  OR Is it is preferable to not use such highly emotive words?  Is this word emotive only to me and perhaps anger, fear, death more emotive to others and would elicit the same reaction? I think it is these debates that are central to being a personal conscious leader of our own life - as it creates an opportunity to increase awareness - and therefore regularly exercise where we are denying other ways of doing things or being things. We can then be open to other peoples' ideas? What else is then possible? What do you think?   Sun, 24 Aug 2008 08:26:09 GMT Group Myth - it's power in everyday life http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/members/consciousleaders/blog/VIEW+00000002+00000067#00000067 I was out in public with a family member  yesterday.  Some time passed as we waited for someone. I decided to give some water to a rather old-looking dog who has been tied to a bench. It was panting and, although out of the sun, might have been thirsty.  Little did I know it would set off such a storm - and give me material for the site! The family member (who remains namless) became very angry, accusing me of imposing my values on others, assuming everyone in the world was cruel to animals, interfering and totally impervious to the feelings of others.  Bit of a challenge!  At this point, I had not said a word - merely walked to the dog and placed infront of it a dish of water. What was going on? Why had my behaviour created such a storm? Here's my guess.  I think the person was embarrassed, fearful of the owner returning and becoming abusive or resistant, irritated at me acting assertively,  or maybe uncomfortable at wanting to act herself but feeling unable to.  These are all my fantasies from her comments of course. They may all be false but this is what I saw. But overall, what was going on? How often might such an exchange become personal - and focus on an argument between two people with two different viewpoints.  When this happens, the bigger influences are never uncovered. From my perspective, I chose to give the dog some water - nothing more, nothing less - I didn't think it was being cruelly treated - I just decided to offer it some water.  From the other person's perspective, there seemed to be a whole story created about what was going on e.g. 'There is a correct way to act in public; the dog is owned by someone else and you have no right to interfere; don't make a fuss; you don't live here and people who live in this geographical vicinity don't behave like this so you mustn't as an outsider, etc etc'. This is the group myth!  The unquestioned social and cultual assumption that we must be like everyone else to be acceptable! I told my father this story and he immediately rushed to defence of a person't right to choose.  Does this mean dad is liberated, questioning the group myth, or does it mean he has bought into another myth called 'the right to choose - whatever the circumstance?' What myth am I operating in even writing this?  The myth that I have an unbridled right to question everything? Oh why can't I conform and why didn't I take the green pill (as per the matrix?) Comments please?   Sat, 16 Aug 2008 10:37:02 GMT Speaking of Death.... Who has the monopoly on it? http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/members/consciousleaders/blog/VIEW+00000002+00000061#00000061 I am in London at the moment and this week met with a colleague I had not seen for 10 years - I was surprised by how he had changed in appearance as he has since developed Parkinson's disease. We reflected on some of stories of us working together in the middle east together and I asked him if he still visited Malta. He said that two friends had died there in quick succession and he didn't want to return because 'He too was dying!' I didn't respond immediately but looked him in the eyes, raised my eyebrows automtically to encourage him to continue. He said 'Yes, I am dying - I don't know if I have two weeks, 6 months or 15 years left - in fact, this was the same when I was twenty - to date I am wrong that I only have 40 years left!' We laughed but I reflected after on myths around the subject of death - particularly where someone has a particular diagnosed illness or observable condition. My guess is that a normal response to his comment 'I am dying' would be met with sympathy, support and 'I am so so sorry'. I didn't do this - guess what? I am dying too! So the question is.... To what extent do people who have been diagnosed have the right to be treated any differently on the subject of death than the person who doesn't know when they will die (according to some espoused wisdom from the profession)? And of course, don't start me on the myth of the medical model and validity of diagnosis! I can already hear Brendan saying 'What if you did know?' and Stephen and I questioning the notion of what is professionalism - somethere to safeguard to public or abuse of power? Over to you guys.... Incidentally, I like talking about death - as Heidegger says ... It reminds us how to live! Fri, 08 Aug 2008 09:41:55 GMT The Myth of Self Improvement http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/members/consciousleaders/blog/VIEW+00000002+00000032#00000032 The Myth of Self-Improvement By Ray Dodd Author of <a href="http://www.beliefworks.net/specialoffermp.htm">BeliefWorks</a> This is one for Carl and Peter! Pop psychology, You Can Do It! books, glossy magazines all about Self, new age mantras, along with an endless progression of television commercials, relentlessly pound out the message that we can have it all. You can be happy, successful, attractive and vibrant. You can have passion in your work, all the while tapping into an effortless, endless, wellspring of energy. It sounds sooo good! Yet if we can’t do it, after trying really hard, we end up feeling like a self-help failure. All of this leaves us wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” Sometimes the quest for self-improvement, rather than making us feel better, leaves us feeling worse. At first exhilarating, as we continue to search for self-improvement, it can increase our stress and feeds the belief we’ve been trying so desperately to get rid of. That awful belief - I Can’t. Part of the self-improvement mantra is manifestation. If I really believe, if I sharpen my intent I will manifest whatever I desire. When it doesn’t happen in the way we expect, what gets sharpened is a personal agreement of - Somehow I don’t get it. It will never happen. I must be, in someway, defective. Or maybe we rationalize that all the “You Can Do It!” stuff out there is just a quick way for some folks to make barrels full of money, and that for most people it just doesn’t work. One woman wrote: I have a strong positive belief about my success as a novelist, so much so, that occasionally I wonder if I'm deluded. Meaning, the risk/reward of having gone through a lot of savings, BELIEVING it will come back in spades.... I feel I must be financially rewarded well to keep this up… What struck me about this letter was the comment: I have a strong positive belief about my success ….., so much so, that occasionally I wonder if I'm deluded. I have received many letters from people who have whole heartedly adopted the idea of I Can!, gone way out on a limb - financially, physically, emotionally - and feel like if success doesn’t come back to them in the way they expect it, they’ll be very disappointed! At they same time they wonder, Am I fooling myself? There is a hidden fear in this pattern. A monster of sorts hiding in the closet. If what we attempt doesn’t work out as expected, we are more than just disappointed. We are devastated. Devastated because adopting the strategies found in personal growth manuals is a great strategy to avoid past pain. Thinking that you have finally found something, after all this time, that will really fix that real, yet unnamed fear is intoxicating. Perhaps even a delusion. A delusion because if we adopt the idea - I Can! without ever changing the real beliefs we have about ourselves, then the road to disappointment is well marked. If the pursuit of improvement rests on a bed of fear-based beliefs it will only lead to more of the same. If the journey toward a higher level of functioning is driven by an engine fueled by fear, then each turn in the road will be experienced through the same less-than outlook that initiated the trip. Often the motive for self-improvement rests on one simple belief. I’m not okay as I am. No one will really accept me as I am. I know this to be true because I cannot accept myself as I am. Buying into the myth of self-improvement is a protective story we tell ourselves that is really a thin veneer easily tearing at distress, disappointment or perceived failure. The myth of self-improvement is self-rejection because it’s seed is the belief I’m Not. I’m Not is often the real belief driving us to change. A belief driven by an engine of fear. The drive to change is inevitable. We are LIFE. LIFE is alive, moving, evolving, growing, and ever expanding. And, LIFE exists embracing opposites, cleanly and without conflict. Why can’t we be in complete self-acceptance, totally comfortable with who we are, breathing out in total surrender to what is, and then with the next in-breath, being charged with the desire to create something different, - an evolution of LIFE? Why not? Rather than toil to improve what you believe is flawed, the real task is to recognize and clean the stories you tell about how you are not enough. You can’t get better than you are, but you can always take different action, believing something else. Something else that feeds you better food, nourishes you and feels right. Self-love is so much easier than self-improvement. Rather than be obsessed with improvement, try cleaning up the stories you have about how you should be. Get rid of descriptions of better, worse, right, wrong. Use the integrity of your emotions to guide you into making decisions on how to proceed. Let your engine for change be the engine of love, self-love rejecting the lie that you are that special one who just can’t, no matter how hard you try. The ideas, practices and advice that are found in personal growth writings are often wonderful and inspiring wisdom. Use them as a gift to yourself, not because you need to be better, but because you want to experience the pleasure of LIFE in its full expression. Because you love yourself so much that you know you deserve only the best. Do it because it feels good. Devour inspiring wisdom as an expression of the affirmation of LIFE that needs no improvement but is always creating, changing and evolving as it always has. As it always will. Excerpt from <a href="http://www.beliefworks.net/specialoffermp.htm">BeliefWorks</a> copyright Ray Dodd 2006.     Wed, 02 Jul 2008 10:47:29 GMT You're not a local, are you? http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/members/consciousleaders/blog/VIEW+00000002+00000019#00000019 Recently I shared a story of when I first moved to NZ and being asked by a local 'You're not from around here, are you?' I said I was and he laughed saying 'Oh no, I have been here for 46 years and am still not a local!' He went on to say 'What does your husband do?' I smiled at his assumptions which I believe could be: that being local required time or place of birth; I was heterosexual; a woman of a certain age and thus married; if so, my husband would be the breadwinner. In sharing the story, I recalled battling with a desire to be provocative and challenge his paradigm; wondered if it would be unreasonable to be unkind when perhaps he was just being polite. I responded politely but wonder now if I was happy with my reply. Was the reason I didn't challenge his assumptions an act of kindness or assuming responsibility for him in my belief that he couldn't hear my message? Was I being authentic by colluding with his assumptions or patronising as I fixed him as someone with a fixed perspective? Or am I completely wrong in my assumptions and he had information about me that made his questioning perfectly reasonable? I have retold this story repeatedly for it symbolises the depth and complexity of myths. Another perspective coming from a philsophical/spiritual perspective might be possible. Was this man prepared to bear the shame, ridicule and mileage this story has afforded to open up the dialogue for all who read this story or hear it, to question where we fix reality and avoid 'seeing what is really there'? What do you think? Fri, 30 May 2008 06:37:58 GMT The pervasiveness of myths http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/members/consciousleaders/blog/VIEW+00000002+00000007#00000007 How pervasive myths are! I was recently asked by a manager how she could discipline two staff members who were no longer working for her. She had moved jobs and considered to be the best person to raise performance issues with them. We worked through the problem but at the end I reflected on the myths inherent in this situation which shaped the way she saw and reacted to the problem and how she perceived the two staff members would react - and probably did! Remember, myths are unquestioned assumptions that limit the way we consider choices, hoodwinking us into believing other possibilities are not an option. In this scenario, the first myth was that because she was not their boss, she had no right to discipline them. If she had been, she would not have agonised over how to speak to them, their reactions, potential reaction of sound advice which, if she had been their boss, would have been seen very differently. The second myth no doubt would influence their receipt of the discipline - we might guess that comments like 'she has no right to say this! I don't have to listen!' - again, nothing to do with the content or purpose of the information - all a function of the myths and limitations surrounding how they receive the information.Key point - myths limit and shape our world - they are socially constructed and as the example above indicates, they remove us from taking full responsibility for interpreting our understanding and choice of how to act.    Sun, 06 Apr 2008 00:35:08 GMT Myths about Work and Career http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/members/consciousleaders/blog/VIEW+00000002+00000005#00000005 I have been reflecting on how pervasive social and cultural assumptions around work are.  In a recent conversation with a woman in Sydney, I was asked whether she should leave her job in order to earn more to live the life she wanted.  She said that her salary did not match the cost of the things she wanted to do.  She saw her options as finding a higher paying job, starting out on her own or adjusting her lifestyle to match her income.  I asked her what she what she was really good at - what was the one thing that if she did it really well would yield the highest revenue for her organisation.  She easily spoke about her talents and skills that yielded the greatest business for her company.  I suggested she propose to her boss that if she could just concentrate on that one activity and it yielded a subtantial increase in income to her department, she would be given the same percentage increase in salary as the increase in revenue to her company.  She did and over four months, her salary was increased by 40%.She had never thought it possible to negotiate with her boss about her salary outside of her employment contract. Social and cultural myths and assumptions surrounding how we negotiate in paid employment limit us even negotiating the rules - she did and it paid off.  As yourself 'Where do I limit myself because I assume this is how it is?'  Mon, 24 Mar 2008 23:57:29 GMT What are myths affecting our daily lives. http://members.pathofconsciousleadership.com/members/consciousleaders/blog/VIEW+00000002+00000004#00000004 I am interesting in how social and cultural assumptions, beliefs and myths influence the way in which we view what is possible in our lives.   The ways in which 'Myths' are often viewed is that they are mystical, allegorical or legendary.  The way I look at them is that they are unquestioned assumptions that limit the information or way of looking at choices we have.  'Myths' are the label I give to the pressures to conform to the accepted behaviour of the majority.  There are many Myths which I believe influence and inhibit our decision-making and rob us of the freedom to choose our own way of being.  My blog on myths and assumptions will highlight the enormous extent to which I believe we fail to see outside limited parameters of our culture and society - by seeing this, we can choose again and create the life we want - not one dictated by others, the media or society as to what we should be doing. Mon, 24 Mar 2008 08:08:12 GMT